August 18

August 18...
As this day approaches every year, my feelings become so close to the surface, I feel nearly transparent. Another 365 days have passed since the last time I baked you a cake that you won't be sharing. I write these posts not for sympathy or attention but I truly believe that written word is more permanent than a thought or wish and so... Because I cannot gather you in my arms and brush your blonde head (the way I do your sister) and tell you these things, I leave them on the page.
My sweet girl, I want you to know that even though we've been separated longer than we were together on this earth, my heart is still yours.
 As I stood by your sister last night in the concert, I thought about how things would be if you were on the other side of me. So many times I silently wish and reimagine how different my life would look with you here. The first time your brothers and sister held sweet baby Max, mentally I was adding you to the picture. I want you to know how desperately I still miss you. How with every life change, or new phase we enter as a family, I am silently adding you to the picture.  Because I know you still fit, just in ways that my broken mother heart cannot see. I watched Tangled for the 50th time with your brothers this week, and wept during the princesses reuniting with her parents. I know that will be us someday, your father and I holding you close and running our fingers over your face which I know will still be familiar. But until then...
Sending you this latern up on your birthday again, my sweet missing princess. Happy birthday Emma.